Summertime!

Aside from blazing hot temperatures, I love Summer. It brings out something in me that the Winter has put to rest. As soon as the sun shines and the temperatures rise, I want to head for the pool and spend time outdoors. Yet another reason I'm happy that we moved to the mid-west from Texas, is that we can spend time outside in Summer without our faces melting off. When we have to go somewhere, I don't want to cry, and I am okay with doing more than running from the house to the car, and to a destination with air conditioning. Here's a quick peek at what we've been up to:
We joined a pool in the suburbs, but our awesome 'hood also has this adorable wading pool at the park, bored lifeguard included. These photos were taken on the first day of Summer. The high that day was something like 75 and the boys were freezing, but they HAD to go swimming.
They have also been spending a good amount of time at the library. The public library has a summer reading program with incentives like a family pack of baseball tickets if you conclude the 12 hours of required reading. Noel & Lennon have earned a book bag and silly bands so far, and have 6 hours to go until they get the baseball tickets. I'm proud of my little bookworms. They love filling out their little cards each day after they've done their reading. Have I mentioned that Noel taught himself how to read? It's true: I'm sending him off to Kindergarten already knowing how to read. I'm pretty sure we've earned some bragging rights.

Oh Yeah...

Lennon Had a Birthday...


February 19th, he turned the big T-H-R-E-E. I didn't forget about it, but I've been busy working. Blah.

This is the only thing that stinks about having kids with two birthdays so close together. It's sort of like if you had a birthday right around Christmas...it might get put on the back burner just a little. It was great fun though, and he loved it when we sang "happy birthday". He's funny...he likes attention, but not too much. If he's given more than he wants, he gets shy and grumpy. He's such a silly little guy and I love him to pieces.

We even ran into a Storm Trooper at his party. Perfection.

The Clone Wars

There are times when it is really really extra hard to be gracious and grateful for what you have, like just being a parent. This job is not always easy. It's not all wine and roses, not all fun and games. Some days there is whining and shouting and "I don't want to!" from everyone. There are so many times when I wish they would just. be. quiet. for 30 seconds. Just 30 seconds!!!

Then, there are those times when I'm putting them to bed, and it's just the three of us, because Elliott gets a rare night out. I still have work I need to do, and it's already 8:30, so that means it's going to be a late night (again). But, we're laying there, and they're finally settling down, and Lennon puts his arm around me and says, "You're cute. Can I hug you?" (Are you crazy? Of course you can hug me, you insanely adorable little guy.) Noel keeps asking for lotion, so I tell him that when Lennon's asleep, I'll get him some. Finally, Lennon's asleep, and I get the lotion. Noel tells me that I'm mean for not getting him the lotion sooner. I let it roll off. I say, "Am I meaner than Oscar the Grouch?" "Yes," he replies. "You're meaner than a saber tooth tiger," I tell him. And he giggles. "You're meaner than a T. Rex."

And it goes on like this, until we can think of no more mean things, and we're quietly giggling...

"You're meaner than Luke Skywalker," I say. "Hey!" he laughs. "That's because you're not mean. You're sweet and nice and I love you."

"You're meaner than C3PO."

And we say goodnight, and say that we love each other.

I go back a few minutes later to give him an extra kiss. "Goodnight Storm Trooper."

"Goodnight Clone Trooper."

And even though I still haven't started that work, this seemed more important.

The 2011 Bandwagon

What are your hopes for 2011? Here are mine:

1. Work less. Spend more time with my family. Working from home doesn't equate to being able to spend more time with the ones you love. It also means maximizing work time so that it's all done in the most timely fashion. So, less navel-gazing while working & more working = more time with the dudes. Simple enough, right?
2. More time reading & writing. I figure the more I read, the better writer I become. I want to write less "OMG"s and "LOL"s and more things that are meaningful. Once again, simple enough...
3. Cook more meals at home.
   
4. Buy from the farmer's market as much as possible.
5. Go on walks. We live 1 block from a sweet walking trail. It's so easy...
   
6. More time with real folks, less time engaged in cyber-space. I want "My Two Sons" to flourish this year, but I need to spend less time on Facebook. Don't we all? Time suck. Now that we're closer to family & friends, this shouldn't be hard to do. I may need some accountability. I deleted my Twitter last year, but I want to keep Facebook. Perhaps check it once a day? When I post my link to my new blog post?
7. Be a great wife & mom. My patience and kindness took a major hit in 2010. I don't like it. I want to be different. I also think this is related to #6.
   

Tell me what your wishing for this year...

Christmas Hangover

I love Christmas. Who doesn't??

As an adult without kids, I liked Christmas, but now? It's just so much better. Hearing the squeals as they open gifts. Hearing "WOW!" over something Santa knew they wanted, or "Thanks for getting that for me," or hearing little Lennon say, "Where's Santa? I wanted to give him a hug and say 'Thanks'," is something i can't put into words. These kids...

They are something else...I tell ya.

We had such a great day. I want to make every day more like Christmas. Of course, without all the hoop-la and gifts, but with the good feelings and glad tidings. Who couldn't use more joy in the every day?

Last Christmas...

A year ago (well, almost), it snowed on Christmas eve, at our old house
in Texas.
It never snows in Texas.
People will talk about it for eons.
It probably snowed an entire foot-which was the biggest snowfall on record.
It was incredible...and beautiful.
And it was the perfect last Christmas for us to have there.

Even if they don't remember it, I know we'll never forget it.
And I'm so thankful for the memories we will make this year...
and for years to come.

The Tour of Brotherly Love

The past couple of times Noel & Lennon have trotted out the instruments, I've taken out the camera and started snapping photos. All of them but this one are candid. They had both been placing the pick on their eyes, and I thought it would make a good picture. Noel would not oblige once I asked them to take one together. Still, a good future album cover shot.

I am going to make a habit of taking these pictures while they play. They aren't really playing anything at this point, but it is fascinating to see them study the guitar and bass and see the different sounds they can create as they turn knobs, flip switches, use the picks to discover sounds on the strings: up, down, sideways...they don't just make noise. They are discovering. I am seeing young musicians as they teach themselves their craft.

Don't be afraid to let your kids play around with your things...teach them respect for them, but let them learn from them. You will be amazed.

I also love this picture because they are doing the exact same thing, the exact opposite way, which pretty much sums up them to a T.

Another insert in a future album cover, right? They look like they are so deep in conversation, discussing the recording of their latest song. Mark my words...

Can you feel the love?

They Take My Breath Away

Their beauty.

Their innocence.

The newness of life. One that I get to experience again through their eyes.

What a gift to be present for joy like this.

Boys Will Be Boys?

It used to drive me NUTS when someone would say "He's ALL BOY."

So, it still drives me nuts, but Lennon, if I were to put this kind of label on him...Well, let's just say it fits him to a T. He sort of reminds me of Fred Armisen in this picture.

Lennon has sort of been like a bat to the gut from which I am starting to recover. He's a great kid. He has always had a sort of glimmer in his eye that tells me he is always looking for a little bit of trouble. He is talkative, funny, adorable, sweet, and will hug and kiss you when you ask... That being said, his disposition and nature are quite different from Noel. Noel has always been fairly serene. I'm chalking Lennon's personality up to being the 2nd child. I am used to him being louder, wilder, and more boyish (I'm "ugh-ing" at myself)...because sometimes along with those hugs and kisses, he'll try to bite a chunk of your face off while giving you a kiss...then laugh when you howl.
Yeah, it's ADORABLE. :-

Here's the sweetness that he's had to try and live up to. I'll tell you...they don't come much sweeter than Noel.

But then, couldn't you just gobble him up? He is so, so, so, so loveable.

I should add the disclaimer that he thew up about 20 minutes after I took these pictures...

I am so thankful for them.

Watching their new favorite show "Thunderbirds". No comment.

The Milestones that Matter

I've been stewing over what I'm going to post for my 10,oooth tweet. As I was showering tonight (don't you always have the best "a-ha!" moments there?), I realized that I was overdramatizing this "milestone" just a bit.

I've spent the better part of 10 years with this man. In 10 years with him, I have come 10,000 miles. Before we met, I was lost. I did not know who I was, or who I wanted to be. He has been my best friend, my biggest cheerleader, my soulmate...the father of my two most precious accomplishments.

For almost two years, I have been his mom.

Four 1/2 years ago, the realization of him made us a family.

For almost 2 years, I have witnessed this brotherhood and friendship blossom and grow. It's buds are still small, but they will one day be a beautiful, even if imperfect, flower.

As much as I love Twitter & the online community, there's nothing that compares to the milestones I've accomplished in this tangible, beautiful life.

Oh, Mama.

When you're sick, there's nothing better than having your mom around. My kids feel the same way. Do women instinctively understand how to care for a sick child in ways that men don't? Not that my husband isn't an awesome caretaker, but he's more hesitant to go get in bed with the sick kids, probably for fear of catching whatever illness they have or getting puked on...who knows? Everyone just seems to defer to me when they are ill. Perhaps it's my characteristically Cancer nurturing that they all, my husband included, sense.

I've noticed during this October illness month, my kids only want me when they don't feel good. I'm the one who has to force the medicine, take the temperatures, hold their heads over the toilet, and make them shower to clean up said "toilet incident". You'd think they'd run for the hills when they see me coming. Instead, Noel, my 3 1/2 year old, independent little boy wanted me to carry him around Target today, willingly held my hand, and says, "Stay," when he senses, from a dead sleep, that I'm about to get out of bed. When Lennon is sick, he will sit still for hours with me just holding him. I can't pass him off, or he's inconsolable.

I sort of like taking care of everyone when they're sick, to tell you the truth. The boys aren't always willing to sit still and be held, have their backs rubbed, have their heads kissed incessantly. When they are sick, I seem to understand how small and vulnerable they are...and I'm going to hold on to that memory, even when they're back to their old selves, running away from me, squirming out of a hug, and just being kids. They do need me, even if they don't always show it.

20 months later...

My baby turned 20 months old today. He is a toddler. He knows what he wants. He's got attitude. He's got sass. He is also snuggly and sweet and funny. He loves to pick his nose.

Something hit me today, and it's taken me a long, long time to realize it. I had a lot of expectations that were never met when I had Lennon. I think my biggest was thinking that Noel would have an insta-friend & insta-playmate. No dice. I thought, if it didn't happen immediately, it would happen in time. It has happened, to an extent, but my children are at ages where they both need more parental attention and guidance. Three 1/2 and 1 1/2 are tricky ages. One is becoming a child, and less needy, but is also testing boundaries & becoming independent...which means he doesn't always want a playmate. He especially doesn't want a playmate that is taking what he wants, or has what he thinks he wants right then. Lennon is growing out of babyhood and into toddler-hood. He wants what he wants, when he wants it. Although he might look like a Precious Moments doll, he is 100% ornery, and knows exactly how to push Noel's buttons.

When they play together, it usually breaks down into "That's MINE!" pretty quickly, unless they're playing together with one of us. This is where I admit my epic failure. I have pushed this brotherhood and friendship, basically so I could rest on my laurels and hang out in the background and watch my children get along like Dick & Jane, sitting quietly next to each other, playing and laughing. It doesn't work that way, at least not at this time.

Today, I played with both of them. I left the iPhone and the computer aside, and hung out with them, together. Guess what? They got along beautifully, and I saw myself for the first time in way too long, not frowning or feeling full of anxiety. I could beat myself up about this, because, well, I've let this go on...It's affected me, my husband, and most importantly, it's affected my children...but I'm going to swallow this realization like a spoon full of sugar, and move upward from here. I saw today that my two precious boys are not going to constantly fight and bicker. They didn't today...and it was because I helped them along throughout the day. I guided them. I parented them. I acted like the mom I knew I was capable of being.

And it looks like I learned something too.

Homeschooling: What's the Big Deal?

There are a lot of mixed responses when I tell someone that we plan to home-school our kids. Since both of my kids stay home with Elliott, they are already home-schooled, in an unstructured fashion. We have not decided with 100% certainty that we will take this path, but I’d say we’re 99.99% sure. That being said, I’m not opposed to looking into other avenues, and I, personally, don’t care where you send or plan to send your kids to school. As long as your children feel happy and safe, do what feels right for you.

Both of my kids, while I am quite sure they will be talented in many areas, already seem to show more interest in the arts. We all know that most public schools are sorely lacking in these areas. I also know there are many charter, private, and magnet schools that focus on the arts, and I’m not opposed at all to looking into them, especially as our kids get older and might need more specialized attention in certain areas. But, what I am really curious about is why there is such a guttural reaction when you mention casually, “We are planning to home-school.”

I’ll admit, there was a time when I was not 100% on board, but after lots of talks with my husband, and some input from some good friends, I realized quickly that there are many ways to receive a great education, even if it’s not “traditional”. I went to private school all of my life, and I had mixed experiences. I had great friends, and I received a top-notch education. I would not trade it today. However, life at Catholic, all-girls school came with it’s downside-cattiness & cliques aside, school just didn’t hold a lot of interest for me, especially in areas that I didn’t like or appreciate. Sitting through any math and science class was equal to water-boarding in my 14 year-old mind. ”What’s the point? I’ll never use this!” was a conversation I had many times with my parents, particularly if I brought home an average grade.

I’ve always prided myself on being “unique”, which doesn’t always gel well with other school aged kids. In retrospect, I’m sure I was always considered a weirdo. I did have a great group of friends, but I always felt out of place & awkward, which led me down some self-destructive paths, so that I could feel more confident and self-assured…and I probably came off looking like an even bigger bozo. I know that kids will be kids, in any setting, but I don’t want my kids to ever feel that they have to hide their uniqueness to try and fit in with a group because someone, somewhere decided that kids that turn this age on this date belong with kids that have similar birthdays. I also want them to be able to explore and grow in the areas that they will excel in for the rest of their lives. I want them to have a real chance to succeed in those areas. I believe that through homeschooling and co-ops through homeschooling, this will be better accomplished than if they were in traditional school. As I said, this may be a temporary solution to our situation, and it may not. We would love to, as a family, travel & see the United States and North America. Homeschooling would allow us to do this whenever we choose.

Noel turns 5 in 1 1/2 years, so we have lots of time to research and decide what exactly it is we’re going to do, as far as school is concerned. There are a lot of options, even in the homeschooling world. Thankfully, there are so many resources, groups, books, friends, and parents out there that can help us discover the answers. Our friends at The ZRecs Network just began homeschooling their daughter, and it’s really excited me for our future. Jenni is a walking encyclopedia of information in many arenas, but homeschooling is certainly one of her specialties. Zella will be a great role model as we start our home-school journey.

A couple of years ago, Elliott asked Jenni how she became interested in homeschooling Z, and her answers really struck a cord with me. I’m sharing them with you, just to give you food for thought.

My desire [to home-school] has only grown greater since Zella has been born. She’s a very bright kid but she resists being “taught” things. She likes to discover things on her own and the moment she suspects that you want her to “perform” (she can do x thing but refuses to do so on cue) she shuts down. She can be very engaged in a particular activity and be reluctant to leave it for another one just because - homeschooling is better for that because there isn’t a requirement to get in math, science, social studies, etc, each day - so she can be as involved and go into as much depth as she wants to in any particular subject and will cycle to other things eventually. It just seems that with homeschooling you can follow more natural rhythms of learning that you can’t in school.

Other reasons:

• none of us (including Zella) like to get up very early in the morning
• no wasted time doing “busy-work”
• no wasted time checking roll, finding seats, changing classes, with disruptive students
• learning at her pace instead of faster or slower than other kids (allows for advanced learning in certain areas and/or slower learning in other areas - not an “all gifted classes” or “all normal classes” approach)
• more time with her
• can travel (day trips or longer trips) without having to get “approval” from the school
• more time outdoors
• more time for physical activity or rest as needs change
• more time for art, music, crafts, gardening, and animals
• no selling crap for the school district
• no grades (we try to have learning and/or behavior be because of internal motivation rather than external rewards )see Alfie Kohn)
• less peer pressure

As I already said, I have no qualms with how anyone chooses to educate their children. All I ask, is that the idea of homeschooling quit being met with such disdain and negativity. There are many reasons why some families choose to home-school. More than likely, their children will turn out just fine, just as educated, and just as well rounded as the rest of them…and possibly even more-so…

I'm Going to Talk About Breastfeeding. I Warned You.

This week is World Breastfeeding Week. Until a few years ago, I had no idea that such a week existed. Breastfeeding is always a hot topic, particularly amongst, well, moms...the people that do the breastfeeding. I used to not really think much of it, until it was my turn to be a mom. With Noel, I decided early on that I wasn't going to breastfeed him, but bottle feed him breast milk. When he was born 4 1/2 weeks early, I became more comfortable with this decision, as he was so sleepy and small that he never really caught on to latching. Since he never spent time in the NICU, he wasn't treated as a preemie while we were in the hospital, and we never got the hang of "real" breastfeeding. In retrospect, had we tried a little more, we probably could have done it...but that's neither here nor there. I gave him pumped milk, and that was that. I produced LOTS and LOTS of milk from the very beginning, and he had plenty to eat. That little baby that weighed only 4 lbs. 9 oz. at birth, quickly turned into Babyzilla and fattened up with all that creamy stuff. The only problem was, I could not stave off the dreaded breast infections. I got mastitis 6 times in the 7 months that I pumped.

I went to the doctor to see if there was ANYTHING I could do to avoid more infections...in a word, she told me "no". She said that women that have had mastitis more than once usually continue to get it. She thought it was hormone induced. I started my period about 6 weeks after Noel was born, and that's when the infections began. Subsequently, every time I started again, I got another infection. LUCKY ME. As I sat there crying, she quietly told me, "It's ok for you to stop." That was all the encouragement I needed. That day, I started weaning off the pump, and by the time Noel was 8 months old, he was drinking formula. I struggled mightily with this decision, but I also could not deal with one more infection. If you've ever had mastitis, you know why I couldn't take it anymore. If you haven't, consider yourself lucky. It's no fun.

When I got pregnant with Lennon, I was determined that we were going to breastfeed. Really, actually nurse. And we did...for a little over a year. The first 3ish months of breastfeeding him were torture. Yes, TORTURE. The child came out of the womb sucking on his hands. He had a mighty latch, and my sensitive skin got pretty abused the first few days of his life. It got to the point where I would cringe when he'd cry, because I knew what was coming: PAIN. I perservered, and continued to nurse him through the agony. I was determined to do this. After the wounds healed (yes, wounds, as in open sores), things got much easier, and I actually enjoyed nursing. I even got brave and did it discreetly in public and in front of people a few times! It was very liberating for me, as I'm pretty private about my body. Nursing just felt different. I never felt like I was being scandalous. I was feeding my baby...using my breasts the way God intended for them to be used. For the first time ever in my life, I was comfortable with my body.

I still pumped, but I didn't have to do it day and night. It was much easier this time around, save the first 12 weeks of his life. Right around the time he turned 13 months, I could tell that he just wasn't into it anymore...screaming and crying are pretty indicititve of "just not that into it". Truthfully, I didn't think that it would end so abruptly, but it did, and that was that.

If you are breastfeeding, or want to breastfeed, and you are struggling, reach out for support. I am so thankful for my husband who was 100% behind my decision. Call friends, find breastfeeding moms on Twitter & through blogs. Locally, look for a La Leche Leauge in your area, or area hospitals that have lacation consultants, and there are resources like KellyMom.com and La Leche Leauge on the web.

You want to know the truth? I am really proud of myself for giving both of my kids breastmilk. Breastfeeding is not easy for everyone. I was one of those people that struggled. I am stubborn, and it's the only reason that I continued to do it. I has set out with a goal, and I'd be damned if I wasn't going to accomplish it. Both of my children have been so healthy, and I attribute it first and foremost to them drinking exactly what they needed: the milk that only I could give them.

The Two.

Would you like 2 boys with a side of total, utter adorableness? I love them so much. I wish they'd let me squeeze them and hold them all day long. That is, if they'd, like, ever sit still long enough for anything like that. They are busy boys, that love to jump, and slide (Lennon says "EEEEE!" as he goes down), and make messes, and play hide and seek, and run, and spin in circles, and act crazy, and get dirty, and play in sand and dirt and mud, and play cars, and play drums, and draw, and eat crayons (ahem, one of them...), and play with and sneak bites of home made play-dough and, and, and...I'm starting to sound like Noel...

I love them so much. They make me want to scream and pull my hair out at times...but then I see their innocence, captured in a moment, where they are so sweet and small and perfect...and it can't help but make my heart burst.

Peep, Peep, Peep...Talk a Lot...

Noel loves to ask questions...like, ALLTHEFREAKINGTIME. I love the inquisitiveness, and his curiosity, but it can get tiring. Here's an example of a conversation we had a few minutes ago:

Noel: Can you get the leaves out of the sandbox?

Me: Sure.

Noel: Why are there leaves in the sandbox?

Me: Because they blew in there from the tree {right above the sandbox}.

Noel: Why did they blow in there?

Me: Because it was rainy and windy the other night.

Noel: Why did it rain?

Me: It just did.

Noel: Why?

Me: I don't know.

Most of our Q & A's end with me saying "I don't know," or "That's just the way it is." Anyone have any ideas of how to actually answer these questions? It's almost like at that point, I'm just saying it out of defeat, hoping the interrogation will end.

Oh, the Heat.

Yesterday, on a 104 degree day, our air conditioner decided it wanted to die.

I can't really blame the air conditioner. It has been a trusty sidekick since we've lived in the house, but it gets cranky in summer, just like me. It doesn't get a break. I can relate to the air conditioner. My husband can too, more-so than I. This summer has been SO HOT and by the end of the day, we are all drained and cranky and tired.

This Friday, we'll be going out without the kids, which is a rarity. We don't trust just anyone with our children. In fact, they've had one babysitter, ever, and she's one of our best friends. I cook her dinner in exchange for her sitting in our house while my kids sleep. Yeah, we don't leave until after they're in bed either. I am sure we'll eventually lighten up about this, but right now that's how we roll, and that's ok.

On Monday, Noel will begin his four week Summer session at Parent's Day Out. If all goes well, Lennon will join him in the Fall (there were no spots for his age in the Summer session). It's 2 days a week, for 5 hours a day.

And we're nervous wrecks about it.

Some might call it being over-protective. I ask those people if there is really such a thing, when you're taking care of two beings that you love more than life itself.

Still, there are times when we, like the mother ****ing, *** ****ed air conditioner, need a break. And that's ok.

Here Comes the Sun

It's hot here. Like, it's been 100 for a week or something like that. It's insane, and dry, and hot. So hot.

If we must be outside for any length of time, we must be submersed in water. I got the boys (and myself) this 6" pool at the grocery store, for about $12. It will save my sanity, and is totally worth every cent. My "setting up the pool" skills leave something to be desired (one portion of the pool is sort of in a yard pit-oops), but hey, it serves it's purpose. When we hang out in the pool for a couple of hours, the little children are tuckered out when bedtime rolls around. Multi-purpose...

Reading, Writing, 'Rithmitic

I am beginning to realize that my 3 year old can read. Now, he’s not sitting down with a copy of War & Peace, mind you, but he can read simple words and spell them. This is very exciting for me. It’s such a wonder to watch a child learn and grow. I never imagined that he would read at this age, but I’m thrilled that it’s happening. I love sitting down with him and see him recognize words, read them, and trace the letters with his little toddler fingers, as if tracing them will help him recall the letter.

Over at MumsTheWurd, we’re participating in a summer ambassadorship with LeapFrog, which is quite generously creating summer reading packets for libraries and at home day cares. I’ll be telling you more about the LeapFrog program there, but the short version is that LeapFrog is giving these places sets of LeapFrog Tag & Tag Jr’s, and books. I can’t even begin to explain how great the Tag system is. Noel goes back and forth between using both the Tag & Jr, and Lennon is quite dexterous with the Jr. These systems are fun, entertaining, and above all, encourage reading, spelling, recall, math, and more. I can’t wait to see the results of this ambassadorship, and I’m very glad to be a part of it.

I would love to sit down some time this summer and map out a plan for home schooling. Both of my kids, thanks to my husband’s diligence, are already being home schooled, but I think it would be good to have some loose structure, and to keep track of their progress as the days and months go on. We’re most interested in a secular curriculum. What resources are available on the web? Which are the best? I’d love suggestions.

I’ve taken on a goal for myself too, other than the ones that I mapped out yesterday. I’m attempting to read the official list of the 100 best books in American literature. Two that I have read so far, Roots & Sophie’s Choice, have helped me to see how important education, and particularly literacy, is. I want to instill this passion for reading in my family. Not only “just because” it’s important, but education is a crucial step in bettering yourself and overcoming obstacles throughout your life. Would you agree?